I found someone to show me where the bus was, and suprisingly, it was the same bus as the Scotsman. Good Lord. He kicked up a big fuss because our tickets said different times, but the lady was like "sometimes bus leave at 6, sometimes at 7", so really, there was no problem, we'd both get to Danang (the nearest town to Hoi An with a bus station).
I put my backpack on the bus, which had only 2 tourists on it... and only 2 English speakers on it. Fabulous. I didn't sit with the Scotsman. There were also 2 babies on the bus, 2 tractor tires (long distance busses here have a big gap in the middle with no seats so that they can transport stuff... if there's no stuff, then extra people can sit on plastic stools). They also have the plastic stool system in Korea, but the stools go in the aisles when the bus is overcrowded. Anyway, there was also a big basket of ducks back there, some things that I couldn't recognise, and 5 or 6 things that looked like axels and were very very heavy.
Once the bus got going, the big axel-y things (later, I decided that they were train wheels) started to roll around. They were so heavy that when they rolled, they would hit the wall of the bus if they were going sideways and make the whole bus shake. When they rolled front and back, they spread heavy black oil all down the aisle of the bus. Of course, the locals all put their shoes up on their seat (we all had a free seat next to us), so I did too, and curled up on my backpack to sleep. In Laos, there are lots of bicycles, motorbikes, and animals on the road, so it's courteous for a big vehicle to honk its horn when it's overtaking a smaller one. The buses honk a LOT.
So there I was, with the ducks quacking, loud Lao people talking, train wheeks banging... and people smoking. I have NO idea how the cigarette ash managed to extinguish before hitting the oil on the floor of the bus, but I'm very grateful that it did!
I had bought a sandwich in Vientiane for dinner, so when we made a stop, I didn't buy any dinner, but I did get off to stretch my legs. The angry Scotsman was very angry because of all of the honking, and also very angry because the people didn't speak English. He ordered something, and when it came, he refused to eat it. It was really embarrassing because it's rude to wase food like that, and everyone thought that we were together becasue we're both white. ANyway, a Lao man came over to see if his food was okay, and spoke to him in English, but the Scotsman ignored the Lao man and started telling me about how the Japanese shoved hot pokers up the bums of the American soldiers during WWII, and this restaraunt was like that. I have no idea what he was talking about, but I think that the man was offended because the Angry Scotsman was gesturing wildly as the Lao man was speaking to him.
We left and got back on the bus, then got to the Lao/Vietnamese border around 5 am. First some ladies got on the bus offering to change money for us. Then they came to collect our passports. Neither of us had departure cards, and I told the man that I lost mine, and he said "okay". The Angry Scotsman tried to explain that when he had his visa extended, they took it from him, but I think that he should have just said that he lost it, like me. He got in a big argument with the border guy, and the Angry Scotsman ended up calling him an idiot, and telling me that the guy had a big problem because he can't understand English. Oh dear.
So we had to do the border thing, and usually, people take our passports from one side to the other for us (as they did on this bus). The Angry Scotsman was furious about this... maybe he hadn't crossed an Asian border on the bus before??? I have no idea.
So the bus guy (who was SO helpful, despite not speaking English) showed me where to get breakfast, yummy Vietnamese noodle soup on the side of the road, and the Angry Scotsman followed me. When he was served, he made a disgusting face and said that he would never eat anything like that, it's disgusting. Then he poured the soup onto the ground. No wonder people here hate tourists!!!!
Okay, so we got to the border, and I am not nearly pushy enough to get to the front of the line in Asia. I know this. The wonderful border guard came out, shoved people aside, took my arm and pulled me to the front, then went back into the office and stamped my passport for me. Of course, he called all of the other Vietnamese border guards over and they all stood there grinning at me. It was great!!! I love Vietnam! They all said "beautiful!!" to me , which was super funny because they had really mean looks on their faces before when they were dealing with the Vietnamese.
THEN
We took the bus to Danang... Vietnamese traffic is wild, but it works.
The construction workers were using jackhammers with bare feet.
I got off the bus and arranged a motorbike taxi to get me to Hoi An, 35 km away. The guy had no mirrors, no spedometer, and no helmets. It was fine. Vietnamese people are so friendly!!!! Women AND men would pull up next to the bike on the highway and ask where I was from, what is my name, etc., and then they would tell me where their hometown is and that I should visit there! It was really nice! People here are so friendly. I hope that they're like that in Hanoi too.
Hoi An just had a huge flood, so the extremely attractive army is here to help with that. The tailors were telling us about the damage to their business, and I was feeling really badly for everyone until I found out that it floods EVERY year! So I feel a bit bad, but if your place floods for 2 months every year, then I have a bit less sympathy. Still, I had some clothes and shoes made.
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